Hi, we’re from blah, blah, blah…
You need to step up and speak up. I can’t hear you.
Pause. Looking at my dogs through the screen.
It’s okay, the dogs won’t bite you unless I tell them to. I won’t bite you either.
Timidly step up and speak up. We’re from ABC Solar Company and blah, blah, blah.
Okay. Look, you guys have been here before, and so not to waste your time, we’re just not interested.
But, but, but… you haven’t heard us yet.
Did you hear anything I just said?
Look, I understand you 2 are just trying to make a living, but I am telling you, POLITELY, we are just not interested.
They look at each other, then back at me. Maybe we should start over… blah, blah.
Look, I told you already that your company has been here before, and I am not interested. I understand that you are just trying to make a living, but I am not interested. In the interest of you not wasting your time, or mine, I am telling you, I am not interested, so don’t waste your time.
But you haven’t listened to what we have to say.
Okay, let’s try it this way… SHUT THE FUCK UP! IF YOU DO NOT TURN AROUND AND LEAVE MY PROPERTY THIS INSTANT, I WILL OPEN THIS SCREEN AND PHYSICALLY POUNCE BOTH YOUR ASSES TO THE CURB. AM I MAKING MYSELF VERY CLEAR ABOUT THAT?
Turn and look at each other. Look back at me all pissed off.
Fine. Have it your way. I start to open the screen door, whereas they both turn and hurriedly walk off my property. Whereas, I close the screen and tell my dogs to get… whereas my dogs go ape-shit jumping on the screen door until they get to the curb and I call my dogs off.
Fucking kids. What part do they not “politely” understand? This isn’t the first, and they think I am obligated to stand there and listen to their asses as if I don’t understand the concept.
Now, I had an elderly gentleman a few weeks ago selling insurance, I politely told him we weren’t interested. No problem. Then he mentions my Lab, that he had one that passed away, best dog he ever had. I told him to put his hand on the screen door so my dog can smell, and I told my dog it’s okay. So I open the screen door and let myself and dog out. My dog is all happy and wagging his tail. So we spent the next 30 minutes or so talking dogs and chatting. He never mentioned insurance again. Finally, he smiled, said he had to go and make his living… I told him good luck and take care. He handed me his card, and left.